Thursday, November 14, 2013

It Was Meant To Be




It was meant to be.  Everything happens for a reason. 

I dreamed about Jumper last night.  In the dream she had just come back from being boarded at the kennel and they had given her a bath.  Something wasn't right and her hair was matted and oily, and she always had such a gorgeous coat.  In the dream I was at my parent's house in the yard and I began to give her a good bath.  Joan was not in this dream, I think my parents were in the background, and I was the one bathing her.  She rolled over and was really loving the attention of being pampered and cleaned.  I could see the joy and love in her eyes and I washed her around the ears and scrubbed her head.  I saw blisters on her skin but her coat was becoming beautiful again as I bathed her.  We were both happy and she was in my arms again.  When I woke up there were tears in my eyes and I could not go back to sleep.

 ***

I was at the orthodontist's office today and the technician was telling me she has 7 dogs and 8 cats and has over an acre fenced in yard at her place in the country.  Like me, she never had kids but has animals.  She told me that all her animals came to her, they picked her out.  This made me think of the stray dog that took up with us last summer.  This dog wreaked havoc on my house for about a month but she was full of love and brought comfort to Nightingale during the summer thunderstorms.  For the rest of the year Night got over most of her fear of thunder. 

We ran ads trying to find the Little Dog a home but after awhile of no responses I decided to keep her if no good home could be found.  Joan was dead set against keeping another dog and I don't think that 4 dogs are allowed in a household here in the city.  Still, I was not going to let this dog go to the pound and I was becoming increasingly attached to her.  Finally, we got a call from a a family with a young boy that wanted a dog.  They had a home in the country and a large fenced in yard with other dogs, but the boy wanted a dog of his own.  Joan and I delivered Little Dog to her new home one afternoon and as we left,  Joan had to take over the driving because I was crying too hard.  I mourned that dog for days, still do sometimes, but in the end I knew she had found the perfect home. 
Animals can teach us lessons.  When Joan left me and Jumper got sick and weak I had to care for her, even carrying her up and down the steps all the time when she had to go out.  I bathed her in the tub and cleaned up when she couldn't make it outside to go to the bathroom.  When she dies, I had to learn how to be strong and carry on loving the rest of my little animal family the best I could. 

Now, my father is growing weaker and his health is fading.  He has good days and bad days but it seems the good days are fewer and farther between.  I feel like I am just getting to know him now, having only come out to him about who I am last year.  Last Christmas we had a father daughter dance and this year we have had some good times and great talks without the pressure and false pretense that was always there before.  One thing we always had was love, but now we have honesty and openness and can really share.  I really hate that with his health and mind fading those times are diminishing now, our bonding time has been too short.  I hope and pray that he can get better and that he will be with us a lot longer, but whatever happens I am better prepared because of my experience with Jumper Dog.  Everything happens for a reason.
 
*** 

I was devastated last December when my spouse, Joan, walked out on us and moved away while I was out of town for the night.  Our marriage was basically just a friendship anyway and most of the good parts of being together were behind us, but still it really set me back emotionally at a time when I was undergoing major, major changes in my life.  It took me months to get over it and I still have my moments of sadness over the way things worked out.  I have to think that having the Little Dog in my life for a time, then having to give her away to a home where she could thrive better than she could here, helped to prepare me for suddenly finding myself living alone.  Today Joan and I are on great terms and we are rebuilding a solid friendship, this time based on honesty and mutual respect.  Our marriage was disingenuous on both our parts.  It was plastic in many ways but there was good in it.  We needed each other and made each other happy in certain ways and still do.  Now it is just much more real and here is no more false pretense or pressure to be a couple.  In the end, everything is working out for the best.  It was meant to be.