Sunday, June 21, 2015

Reflections On The Solstice

The Summer Solstice.  The longest day of the year.  Somehow it means something although I have never truly investigated it or studied the ancient or pagan beliefs enough to understand it's true relevance on those terms.

Wikipedia says. "solstice is an astronomical event that occurs twice each year as the Sun reaches its highest or lowest excursion relative to the celestial equator on the celestial sphere. The solstices, together with the equinoxes, are connected with the seasons. In many cultures the solstices mark either the beginning or the midpoint of winter and summer."

I can, however, feel the impact of the solstice.  There is something about the earth and celestial bodies that speaks to me.  Though it speaks not in my native tongue so I know not exactly what it says.  The voices are louder a couple of times a year so I realize something important is going on.

2012, this was a year that spoke to me.  For at least 4 years before it came to pass I looked towards that particular year with hope in my heart.  There was anticipation for a great celestial energy, a fantastic time of change.  Did I plan the fantastic change in my life around this fabled year and it's astronomical events, or was it merely coincidence?

The summer solstice of 2012 was the day I planned to begin hormone replacement therapy, basically beginning my transition even though I had already taken many steps down that road.  I actually got the prescriptions from my doctor on May 15, over a month prior to the solstice.  I considered waiting but I was literally dying to accelerate the process of change, so I started HRT immediately. That would allow me to be on hormones for 7.5 months before my planned transition at the end of 2012, on New Year's Eve.

The solstice did catch up with me in 2012 in an unexpected way, but it was the winter solstice not the summer.  Events in my life just happened to line up for me to make my transition to living as myself (female) full time on December 21, 2012.

Of course this is ancient history by now, but 2012 was the last year of the Mayan calendar and the fabled "end of the world."  The last day was to be the winter solstice and on that day I emerged out of the void, floundering as I flopped onto land and timidly tried taking my first steps.

Embryonic and evolutionary, my transition in 2012 was like the waking of the dead.  Yes, I had declared myself dead not long after graduating from high school.  Several years before that I was overcome with a feeling of dread, a feeling that I was not going to live much longer.  Those feelings finally went away not long after starting HRT.  Life emerged from the void.

Truly my
 life began on the winter solstice. Was it a cool coincidence?  At any rate, the astronomical events of these solstices took on a very personal meaning that fateful year.

2014, this was the year I was to undergo my great physical change.  Hormones had changed my outlook and feelings inside while also making changes outside, but it was time for me to make the full transition from male to female.  Doctors would surgically (or magically) give me what I was supposed to have born with and take away (or change) what had been a source of discomfort for most of my life.

Predictably, I tried to schedule my GRS (gender reassignment surgery) for the summer solstice.  The closest date I could get was June 16th.  That would at least have me in the recovery center in Montreal on the summer solstice, having just gone through the change.  That didn't sound too bad, so I took the date and waited with grand anticipation.

Unfortunately, my father passed away just days before I was scheduled to depart for Canada and I had to cancel my surgery date.  The new date was set for September 24th, just three days after the autumnal equinox.  Yes, I felt the seasons change while in Montreal awaiting my surgery.  As summer turned to autumn I was simply enjoying the city and being with my loved ones, never once worrying or feeling nervous about my upcoming trip to the hospital.

Today, in 2015, the summer solstice falls on Father's Day.  It's been a little over a year since I lost my dad so the pain is still sort of fresh.  I don't even remember Father's Day last year, so it must have been really grief stricken. Today I visited him at the cemetery, thanking him again for being such a positive influence in my life and continuing to be with me in spirit, always.

Once again, the solstice is a day that carries great meaning into my life.


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