Saturday, May 3, 2014

Somewhere in Tammy World: An Update

Somewhere in Tammy World....
Six weeks from tomorrow I will be checking into the hospital.  No, not that hospital, the one in Montreal where Dr. Brassard performs surgery.  I'm not feeling particularly nervous or excited right now but maybe it just hasn't hit me yet.  I have been feeling very happy lately, more than usual and often ecstatic.  I'm going to attribute this surge of feelings to my anticipation of getting this part of transition over with and finally having a body to match my mind.  Looking a few months forward, I think it's going to be really great but I have to get past the pain.  That reality hasn't hit me yet and hopefully it won't until I'm in the recover room.  I'll let you all know exactly how it goes, the good, the bad and the ugly. Hopefully there will be a Lot more good than that other stuff....

This week I went to dinner with my friend Lisa Allyn, who had her GRS with Dr. Brassard in late 2012.  She has a very positive story but she is also very honest with me about all the little things I need to know about going up there.  I'm fortunate to know quite a few friends who have been through GRS, many of them with Dr. Brassard.  A few of them are personal friends so I think I've got a pretty good idea what to expect.  It's different for everybody and never having been in the hospital or having any surgery, I have to admit that even after learning a lot about the experience I have no idea what to expect as far as how I will feel.  It's supposed to be a very emotional time involving a lot of physical pain, but there is a gradual end to the difficult recovery an that's what I am looking forward to.

at dinner with Lisa Allyn....
A quick note about acronyms...

SRS is the older, traditional term for Sex Reassignment Surgery.  Then GRS came along as term denoting Gender Reassignment Surgery.  Now many prefer GCS for Gender Confirmation Surgery.  The evolution of acronyms is sort of like the word transgender replacing transsexual in many cases, as a way to try to remove the word sex from the equation and make it sound better, more politically correct.

In our community you see people use all of these terms plus a few more, sometimes interchangeably.  For me, from now on I am only going to use the acronym GRS because that is what the papers
that I received from Brassard's office state.  I am scheduled for GRS, so GRS it is although I think any of the acronyms are viable.  It must be confusing though, for people who know little or nothing about transition.


It Came!

I wouldn't be going anywhere outside the country if my passport did not arrive, and it finally came this week via special delivery.  Mitchell's passport got here a few weeks ago and all I received was a letter stating that my doctor's letter did not have one of the required pieces of information.  So I had to go back to my doctor and get him to write an all new letter.  At least I didn't have to make a special trip as I did it on the same day I went in for my pre op tests.  Speaking of those tests, it's been almost two weeks and I haven't heard back from the doctor's office about them so I have to assume they didn't find anything wrong with me.  I take that as a good sign anyway and have plans to call them the first of the week to see if they have been sent to Montreal yet. 

The final payment for GRS will be due May 16th, once month before surgery.  We are going to make reservations in the next few days, but the plan is for Mitchell and I to fly to Montreal from Raleigh on Thursday.  We will have Friday and Saturday to relax and sight see, then I check into the hospital Sunday night prior to my surgery Monday, June 16th.  Seeing that passport with my picture on it and F for the gender marker made me feel wonderful.  Hopefully I will a letter stating I've had GRS soon and with that I can also get my new birth certificate, which is the only place left that I am still listed as male. 



License to Practice

When I took the class to be a Real Estate Broker back in 2007 I was thinking, maybe this is something I could do as myself one day, although I was more interested in owning/managing rental properties than sales.  The next year, when the fish farm/hatchery I was managing closed down and an opportunity in Real Estate opened, up I went with it.  The first couple of years I made a little bit of money but the market was in a downward spiral.  It was also becoming very difficult to work as my old self.  It felt very fake.  Add that to the fact that I don't really have a "sales" mentality as I'm probably too honest and laid back. 

Doing that business as someone who was going through a crisis of dsyphoria became impossible, so I slowly dropped out but have kept my license active.  The market is very depressed where I live and I doubt I will get into selling real estate again, or make any money with it here in this town, but if I did I know I would do a lot better and be a LOT more comfortable in that field than I used to be. Changing this license is the last piece of the puzzle as far as changing my name and I had to do it before June so that I can take the 8 hours CE to keep my license active. So I am not active in real estate right now (but I can do referrals) and I'm actually very happy to get this in the mail yesterday and place it on my wall.




Pathways

This week this blog reached 150,000 hits and I want to thank everyone for their support and for tuning into Tammy World.  I outreach with a lot of people on the internet and in person and I hear from a lot of people that I inspire them.  I understand that but I don't see why any of them (You) cannot be inspiring as well.  Sometimes we take inspiration where we can get it and if we can see a pathway to get from where we are now to where we want to be it makes the journey much easier. 

If I could have seen a pathway I would have embarked on this journey much sooner than I did, but I am very thankful to be in the position I am now.  We can't look back and regret any mistakes or delays that we think would make things easier now, not matter the situation or context.  Just move forward at a pace you feel comfortable with but try not to suppress doing something you need to do.  That can lead to some potentially major problems.  Wherever you are in life or whatever you are doing, if you are content then be very happy that you are so blessed.  If you are not content then proceed to take the steps necessary to find contentment.

Someone told me when I posted the message below, that I have the ability to talk about transition like it's a regular event.  Well, to me it is a regular event.  To a lot of people it is a strange event they can't understand.  To many it is an event they want or need in their life but they can't see a way to make it happen.  Whatever it is in life that you need to do, just know that you have inside you what it takes to make it happen.  For too long I did not see any possible pathway for me to be myself, even when I got on the internet and saw others successfully making the journey.  I saw too many obstacles, or roadblocks as my friend Lisa Lesher says.  When I figured out that I could do it, things started to fall in place for me.  Believing is over half the battle....


 
It's nice to know that I inspire so many people just by being myself. I don't think I do anything that special really.  It's very easy, trust me.  So now you know that Just by being yourself you too can be an inspiration.  And in your own life it can make All the difference.