Friday, November 30, 2012

November Rain

So my last post was a detailed report on my HRT experience so far, this one will be about what is going on in my life right now.  Disclaimer: the title has absolutely nothing to do with the Guns and Roses song and I don't even particularly like that song, it just has the word November in it.  I also do not mean to imply that November was a dreary month in my life.  The weather was pretty dreary here much of the time but in my life the sun is shining brightly every day!
So the biggest thing to happen to me this month was getting two dozen roses at one time from my boyfriend as pictured above!  Seriously, that was very nice but really the two biggest improvements were that this was the month I finally stopped wearing my wig and stopped using any breast enhancers.  It is all natural now so I will hopefully keep growing in both of those areas and it will get better and better.  Actually letting go of the wig was a goal for me this fall so I can check that one off the list, the other one just sort of happened.  I also visited with both therapists this month and have again come to the conclusion that nobody has a magic solution for my talk with my parents and the biggest challenge is me opening my mouth.  I have made a plan there that I will discuss in a bit.  Also, my Transgender Voice and Communication class wound up this week and although I have yet to get my final evaluation (it will come soon in the mail), I think I can safely say I achieved all of my goals there.  I also went to my first real support group meeting and got in some serious shopping (of course).

So I guess the biggest thing about November is that it comes directly before December and December promises to be a Whale of a month here in Tammy World.  Something is going to happen December 21, 2012.  I know that is when the Mayan calender predicts the world will end but if I really believed that I would not be here typing this right now.  I would be taking the money I have saved for transition and be off doing something spectacular.  Instead I will wait awhile for the spectacular, but this date is the winter solstice and I have been tracking each season change pretty closely as they relate to achieving my goals and I think this solstice will see me right where I want to be with the one minor (Not) exception of having come out to my parents about my transition.  The current plan is to talk to them (mom first) on the 27th of December and I have a meeting with my primary (new) therapist on the 28th.  I am not going to do this until after Christmas so the therapist backed me into a corner by scheduling the post talk meeting on that date.  Also, I had told my boyfriend that telling them before New Year's Eve could potentially affect our plans for a big night out and maybe I should wait, but he was like "no way", I need to get this done.  So now I have a date in history to blow my parent's world up and change mine forever.  December 27, 2012: the Mayans were wrong by 6 days......

So the ending of my trans communication class is bittersweet.  I will miss going up to Greensboro with Donna each week but we are still going to try and get together each Tuesday and go out and shop and do different things.  After our last class Tuesday we went to dinner at Chili's and then went to Ulta where she had a makeover, what a blast!  With no class to go to we will have no telling how much fun and this is some of the only times she gets out to do things like this.  Tammy World is rubbing off on her and she does not want the fun to end. :)  The week before the class ended we both did our initial individual evaluations again to check our progress and I was able to achieve my goal of maintaining a mean pitch of over 175 hz in a three minute conversation.  Female range is ~170-220 hz and I had a mean of 192 hz on my final evaluation after a previous best of 171 hz.  I still have a lot of work to do in getting a natural female voice and maintaining it All the time but I have proven I can do it and everything sort of came together at the end.  They say you will never get it truly right until you go full time and I do expect that will be the case with me but I also expect that will not be too far off. 

With my original therapist a couple of weeks ago I set a new goal of filing for my name change and starting to live female full time on February 1, 2013.  In my mind's eye I cannot see past the 27th of December so I can't say for sure that date will be met but I am very hopeful.  I am actually excited now to tell mom, then dad but with all the hype they make out of Christmas I am going to wait until right after.  I finally do feel ready to get it over with and get On with my life.

The support group meeting I went to was not as tragic as I had thought it would be, listening to people's problems and such, but it was as boring as I had hoped it would not be.  Still, it is better than sitting at home and I will go back sometime.  They meet on Saturday nights and I am usually having fun on a date with my boyfriend then but when I am free I will try to go and maybe meet some new friends.  I did meet one friend there who has recently gone full time and has offered to help me with my documentation with the DMV (Department of Motor Vehicles) so that I do not have to keep the male gender marker on my driver's licence.  Usually in this state they keep the male gender marker there if you are pre op but apparently there is a way to get an female F on the licence if you know how to do it.  I have another Facebook friend in Charlotte that has done this also. 

Shopping, shopping, shopping.  I went shopping a few times this month, with Mitchell, by myself and with friends.  Yesterday I was out of money until the first of the month and I was taking stuff back to stores so I could shop some more, but that is Not a sign that I am a shopaholic!  Its been fun and this is definitely shopping season here with lots of sales and weather that doesn't want you to be outside.  Except for a couple of pairs of boots, one really nice pair Mitchell bought me, I don't feel I have really bought that much good stuff this month but it was fun trying.  Next week I am going with Donna after my therapist meeting and Wednesday it's back to the mall in Raleigh with Melissa, who is coming up from South Carolina to shop with me.  Shopping in Tammy World is a world class experience and yes they do come in from all over to shop with me.  The picture below was taken by my friend Julie yesterday and I will tell you that 2 of the three big bags were hers, further proof that I am not a shopaholic. 

So friends, it will be December here in an hour and the stage is set for this to be a Monumental month for me.  I hope everyone is having a great holiday season and I will be around home this weekend and plan to get another blog post out very soon.  We are going to kick December off Big here in Tammy World and thanks for coming along for the ride.  It should be interesting and possibly fun, we will see.  Tomorrow night I might drive to downtown Raleigh for a friend's birthday party, her first female birthday celebration since going full time recently and she will be the same age I am now.  My only hang up with it is driving an hour to a place that serves alcohol and then driving home.  If I go I likely won't stay long so it will hardly be worth the long trip but it will be cool to be there so we will see. My usual weekend date with Mitchell will be Sunday and it will be an abbreviated version because he is with his kids all weekend and we will not be able to spend the night.  I do have the house to myself tomorrow but since I live in Redneckville and don't have any friends here I always have to go somewhere else to have any fun.  If I stay home I will work on my next blog post that I have planned.  Either way I will be living my life in the next few weeks to the fullest of my abilities while gathering strength for the upcoming climb up Mt. Everest.  Please send oxygen............

1 comment:

  1. Hang in there sis, you are on the road to being you and even though there may be a few potholes you are nearing your destination. Pam