Trans.shhh

My answer to trans pride and trans* is trans.shhh.

Short of stealth and easier to maintain for those of us that transition in place, trans.shhh is simply a philosophy in which you live your life like anyone else.  There's no need to talk about being trans, brag about it or be ashamed of it.  Some people inherently know and others you are close to you will tell at some point, but to the average person you meet on the street you wouldn't consider mentioning it.

It's simply a fact of life, like having one kidney.  If you have just one kidney you probably aren't going to go around telling everyone you meet you have one kidney or identify as a "one kidney woman."   There is no "one kidney pride."  You may devote time and effort to assuring that those with one kidney have all the rights and opportunities that anyone else has, but yet you realize it's a condition not an identity.

There is a community where people having only one kidney can meet each other (online or in person), discuss the inherent problems of the condition and perhaps develop friendships that go beyond the bond of having this condition.  There is no "one kidney flag."

The one kidney thing is just an example but this has pretty much been my philosophy since transitioning, and I coined the phrase trans.shhh to describe it.  It's not hiding, shunning people or creating another closet. 

Being trans isn't an identity to me.  I am trans because I identify as a woman and was born in a different body.  It's a part of me but the whole point of transition (at least for me) was to become on the outside what I identified as on the inside, not become the condition.

When someone posts something on my wall about trans issues I have to say shhh as I delete it, although I do post my blog (endless self promotion).   I have to shhh my mom sometimes when she wants to tell everybody my story.   It's not really a secret but it is something I prefer not to announce or talk openly about.   People will find out on a need to know basis.

Trans.shhh isn't based on passing.  If you don't think you pass, don't worry about it. Being trans still isn't something you have to announce to the world.   Women look all kind of ways and come in all shapes and sizes.  Do the best you can and try to blend as much as possible.  The in your face "trans pride" or chip on your shoulder attitude won't get you ahead in the real world.

Trans.shhh is simply my philosophy and I am probably the only one who subscribes to it, but if you see me somewhere please don't intentionally out me or I will have to shhh you.

The Finish Line

Everything has its time.  Unless its perpetual motion, with any process there is usually a beginning and an end.  You have a goal and you set off on a journey.  Fueled by a desire and a need that burns brighter than the midday sun, you do all the little things (and the big things) necessary to bring you closer to that goal.  The road behind you becomes longer than the road ahead.  Then one day you look up and notice that you are there.  In my transition from male to female, I have reached the Finish Line.

A couple of weeks after arriving home from my surgical adventure to Montreal, I received a letter from Dr. Pierre Brassard certifying that the surgery he performed had changed my anatomical sex from male to female.  The letter also stated that "Any designation on her birth record and all official documents as male are incorrect." 
          

The question was raised by one of the mother's at the recovery center, "After you have this surgery, are you still transgender?"  Well yes, it's just a medical fact that we will always be this way.  It will always be a part of you but, in my opinion, it doesn't have to be you.  It doesn't have to be as all consuming as it is during transition or as worrisome as it was before transition. 

This is one of the things I am dealing with now, how to transition away from transition?  Does this mean that the journey ends?  Of course not.  Does this mean that the transition has reached an endpoint?  Of course it does.  At least that's the way I look at it.

In my case, I've only been on hormones for three years.  Hormonal changes can take place over 5-10 or more years, so I do have more change to look forward there.  I don't plan on having any more surgeries as part of my transition. 

For me there was only one male to female surgery.  Sure, I may get breast implants at some point even though I don't have to.  If I ever have anything done to my face or body (and I haven't had any work done yet) it will likely be more to stave off the process of aging than for feminization.  Anything else I may have done will be typical of what other middle aged women might get, not as part of a transgender transition.

Some of this is just how you look at it, but perceptions do often change at this point in the journey.  It's a tough mental transition as you ask yourself, "Where do I go from here?" 

The truth is I Never wanted to be transgender.  I fought it as long as I could, then went through the transition.  Now, I'd like to put that label and all that goes with it in a drawer and lock it away in my deepest memories.  Like the haunting images of being in war.  It's just not that easy to lock such a huge part of your heart, soul and experience away.
      

So, now I have my birth certificate.  In the eyes of the state I am me.  All previous records have been sealed.  Having climbed my own Mt. Everest I guess I've reached that peaceful meadow on the other side.  I made it here quicker than I ever expected, but yet it took forever to get here. 

The morbid pain of the majority of my life flashes across the back side of my brain.  I stand on the wet ground watching the black clouds move away across the plain.  Yet I still hear thunder.  Is it growing closer?  Are more storms on the way?  As the journey continues, we will have to wait and see.

At the end of the rainbow, what I found in the pot of gold was sort of surprising.  It was simply being myself. 

Another Crash ?

With all the health challenges I've had this year, I sometimes wonder if I am having a crash like the one I had a decade ago after another milestone birthday.

When I turned 40 I had a psychological and physical breakdown in which I started having panic attacks, terrible headaches and was convinced I had a brain tumor.  As a result of that crash I decided I had to start facing my issues instead of burying them inside.  I made a major leap of self acceptance, stopped my drug use, heavy alcohol abuse and started taking baby steps towards becoming myself (transition).  Soon I was out of the woods and on my way home.  Somewhere along the way I learned to love myself and actually care about the little things in life, like the promise of tomorrow.

This year is much different and not nearly so severe.  Still, there is something frightening about having things go wrong with your physical health, especially strange, unexplained things.  Psychologically, I'm better than I've ever been, so there is no crash there.  I have to believe that psychological strength will pull me through the physical ailments that have befallen me.  I know that I am going to be okay.  I actually want to be okay, and that makes all the difference.

When I break it down, this year's health "scares" are not so frightening after all.  I've dealt with granulation, which is a common and not so severe complication from GRS.  The granulation is finally gone but I still have a lingering feeling of slight pressure in my right labia when I do something like cross my legs tightly.  This was the area tested when I had an ultrasound a couple of months ago.  The surgeon thought I had a swollen gland and that it wasn't serious.  I guess my next step is to see a gynecologist and take the mystery out of it.  It was determined to be benign whatever it is. 

I've also experienced a cold this spring (heavens!) and now this mysterious (to me) Bell's Palsey.  This one is the most terrifying of all because it is a paralysis and it affects my face,  I have been pretty much laying low since I developed this palsy 18 days ago because it looks like something is wrong with me.  I am so fortunate that it is probably not going to be permanent and the paralysis wasn't caused by something like a stroke. 

The worst part about all these events this year is the cumulative effect they have had on my daily outlook.  While I am still generally very positive, I've had moments when my mood has been lowered or I have been irritable.  The absolute worst has been a couple of (fleeting) moments where the thought crept in (for one second) that I was going to die. 

This dark feeling of impending doom was a near constant with me between my teenage years and not that long ago.  In fact, as I have reported here it was only when I started taking hormones that the black feeling of dread left me.  So, I know that the pull of death I felt, romantically at times, was either hormonal or psychological but some of it would revolve around physical elements.  Or at least blowing physical problems out of proportion.  That's the only thing I have to fight this year (just a little bit) putting everything into perspective. 

I realize how lucky I am to have my (generally) good health and I am super blessed to finally have all the pieces falling together so that I can enjoy it.  I now have a sense of what paralysis feels like and I can really sympathize with anyone that has to deal with it on any part of their body.  Its a scary feeling and when it's on your face, something that can make you very self conscious around others.


*****

Update 5-5-2015

I went to see my "regular' doctor this week.  He took me off the prendisone, which I was on for two weeks, and predicted the Bell's Palsy would resolve itself.  In fact, his exact prediction was that it would be 75% gone in a month and completely gone in 2 months.  I don't know if he said that mainly to make me feel better or based that prediction on the typical experience of someone with this disease.  He also mentioned that the latest information on Bell's Palsy has it related to chicken pox, sort of like Shingles in that respect.

I have been able to regain a small amount of control of the affected muscles on the left side of my face.  Not enough to smile yet, but the face doesn't look as "droopy" and I can make small movements there.  I won't go back to the doctor until the first of July, when I'm going back for a full physical. 

This is also the doctor that started me out on hormones back in 2012.  I hadn't seen him a year so I told him about my surgery and getting my birth certificate changes, the last piece of the puzzle.  He had helped me get all my other documents changed by writing the necessary letters and he smiled when I told him I had finished changing everything that could be changed. 

"You are 100% female now," he said.  I'd have to qualify that by saying "as much as I can possibly be."  But yes, it does feel great to finally be the person on the outside that I am on the outside, and be accepted for being myself.  I'm just a little sick right now and will be relieved when I can be a completely healthy woman.  I'm not going to crash this time.  There's way too much to live for now!

The more life challenges me
The higher I will rise to overcome life's challenges.

TM

Seven Months

Seven months ago and one week ago today,I was up early in my room in the Centre Metropolitain de Chirurgie, the hospital owned and run by Dr. Pierre Brassard in Montreal, Quebec, Canada .  I didn't have breakfast that morning as I was patiently (not really nervously) awaiting my surgery later that morning.  I was finally going to my gender reassignment surgery (GRS) that would (physically at least) complete my journey from male to female.

Out of three surgeries that day mine was to be the last.  Another girl named Ava went first and she was to have her trachea shaved as well as GRS.  About 9:30 AM they came for my roommate Samantha and as the nurses walked her upstairs to the operating room I found myself alone for a few minutes.  Soon Mama and Mitchell would arrive to keep me company until my turn to ride up the elevator.

The feelings I was experiencing were similar to those I've had in the morning before going to work at a new job.  Not exactly sure what to expect and just wanting to get it over with.  I never experienced any moments of doubt from the minute I scheduled this surgery, nor any great apprehension.  It was just something that had to be done, something I desperately wanted done, so I was just going to follow fate and let Drs. Brassard and Bellanger take care of business.  My job was easy.  I just had to lay there and take a nap.

The months since seem to have gone by slowly, maybe because I have generally not been as active as I was before surgery.  The first 5.5 months involved some degree of pain and daily bleeding during dilation from the granulation complication I developed, which has now completely cleared up as I reported in my last update.  In the last few weeks I have become more active physically as I try to lose the extra pounds put on during recovery.  Almost everyone gains weight after this surgery and I was lucky mine wasn't too severe.

Now I am hit by this Bell's Paley which is again slowing me down and keeping me close to home.  It's not related to my surgery or my transition and I believe that this too will pass, hopefully soon.  I will tell you something though.  My mindset now that I am post op is better than it has ever been.  I'm experiencing a peace of mind and confidence in life that I really didn't think was possible.  This mental rejuvenation will hopefully help me deal with any setbacks that life throws at me as well as allow me to maximize the experience of the rest of my life. 

I think not enough is said today about the psychological benefits of GRS for many trans people. The dark cloud I felt hovering over me all these years was partially hormonal, as I came to fully understand when I killed the testosterone and added female hormones, but it was largely based on having the wrong genitals.  This phenomenon is not as widely discussed a it used to be but it is the reason that SRS (GRS) was developed and has been such a successful tool in gender transition.  This surgery is rightly credited with saving lives by clearing the mind and aligning the body with the brain.

I believe that transition in general saved my life, but now that I have post op awhile I can see that the surgery is instrumental in creating an inner peace that allows me to feel complete.  It is a sense of relief and joy.  Now I feel totally comfortable with myself, a feeling I'd never experienced before.  Now I can experience life the way it should be, unfortunately only for the last half of it or so.  That's ok because I finally feel normal.

*****

Yes, mentally this surgery is having a huge positive effect on me.  Physically, I am now coming into my own as a woman.  Recovery does take a year or so and I am not all the way there yet, but I feel like my long period is over and this is a relief. 

My schedule has just gone from two dilation a day to one.  Something else I am doing when I am in the mood and have time, is doing much longer dilations.  I may dilate for an hour or so even though the schedule only calls for a total of twenty minutes, 5 with the smaller and 15 with the largest dilator. Yes, I've found ways to make dilating enjoyable now now that the pain is gone.  If I need to because of time restraints, I will stick to the schedule and be done in less than half an hour.  Reaching the point where dilations no longer dominate life's schedule is nice, but it is a still a vital part of recovery.

Without getting too personal, I will say that I am finally getting to the point I can enjoy a normal sex life as a woman for the first time.  I am very fortunate to have a loving partner I can experience this with and I believe having a strong emotional connection makes all the difference in experiencing love and not just sex.

One thing that most people facing this surgery are concerned about is the ability to have orgasms after the operation.  I've alluded to it before, as I experienced my first orgasm 61 days post op, but at this point I have to say that this aspect of my life is much, much better than it has ever been.  I am sort of amazed that I can achieve this sensation so easily, so many times and often so intensely.  I am very satisfied with my ability to be satisfied.

My surgical scars have been problematic, as I do scar easily and redness shows on my fair skin, but they are now starting to fade away.  Dr. Brassard said that it takes a year for scars to fade and the aesthetics to fully express themselves.  I believe with me it will take every bit of that year but right now things are starting to look really good.  I have been told by someone special that my vagina not only looks and feels like the real thing, it is the real thing.

It feels great to be as real as I can be.  It feels great to be myself and I needed that.  That's all anyone can ever ask for isn't it?  Most people take being themselves for granted but for those few of us (trans people being a prime example) who do not feel comfortable within themselves, life is too much of a struggle and unnecessarily difficult. 

Physical and (more importantly?) mental changes from hormones make a huge difference.  Living as yourself and not hiding who you are makes it possible to feel some normalcy and comfort in everyday life, although in many cases it can open up its own can of worms in how others react to you.  Surgery, especially GRS, is a very personal part of the journey and is the icing on the cake for many of us.  I'm glad to be able to share my journey with you appreciate all the love and support I have received along the way.

I just want each and every one of you know that I am pulling for You!  Whatever it is in life that you need to be, know that it is possible.  Allow yourself to believe in yourself and never let go of that belief. 

The Pharmacy

I suppose that the pharmacy is one area I haven't handled my transition as well as I could have.  Or have I?  All I know is my interactions there, in a pursuit to acquire pharmaceutical hormones, have developed rather organically.

When I first got my prescriptions for hormones (on May 15, 2012) I decided to drop them off at the suburban Walmart pharmacy.  That was the first pharmacy I passed on the way into town from my doctor's office in the Raleigh area.  This is the newer, cleaner, less crowded Walmart and I enjoy shopping there more than the one in the city of Rocky Mount.  I admit that part of the reason I went there was I felt there would be less chance of running into someone I knew.

The best way I can describe myself that day, going to the doctor's office and dropping off my prescriptions, was androgynous.  I didn't think I was ready for prime time yet without the aid of a wig and makeup but I wanted to be real at my new doctor's office.  I did wear casual female clothes, jeans and t shirt, and maybe a little lip gloss and brow liner.  I'd been growing my hair almost 6 months and had my ears pierced already, so this was a look that might make some wonder....

Yes, I was on a high when I got home that evening around dinner time.  I asked my spouse Joan if she wanted to go out to dinner with me at a little Mexican place we enjoyed frequenting in Nashville.  We weren't getting along well then but she said sure, so I thought I would try a little something different with my presentation.

I'd never been out with her presenting fully female (she had wanted no part of it) but that night I thought I'd push the envelope a bit.  I changed into a little nicer clothes, fluffed my hair up for as feminine look as possible, put on some bigger earrings, a bra, a little more makeup and off we went. 

She didn't balk at my look, which I viewed as progress of sorts.  I was nervous being out like that for a couple of reasons.  First, it wasn't my best look at that time by any means.  I could be more "passable" if I spent more time with makeup and wore a wig.  I could also be recognized more easily by people who could know me or my parents, and this is a look that people who didn't know I was transitioning just wouldn't understand.  Though I was 80% out of it by then, I was still an active local real estate agent at that time.

I wasn't transitioning to hide, not anymore, so off we went.  The suburban Nashville Walmart is where I had dropped off my prescriptions and the Mexican restaurant is maybe a mile away.  I stopped by the pharmacy to pick up my prescriptions before we went to dinner.  I don't recall Joan going in with me.

When we got to the restaurant I wondered if anyone who worked there would recognize me as we had been there a few times before.  On the way in a man held the door for both Joan and I.  She looked at me a little differently over that dinner, I guess for good reason, and I could feel our relationship slipping yet farther away from (quasi) marriage and more towards one of pure friendship. 

I enjoyed that dinner and remember it well.  We were both in good moods and we had good conversation.  I seem to remember going to the ladies room and thinking that was a bold but liberating move.

When we got home I took my first hormones and the medical stage of my transition was off and running.  Joan knew everything at that point but was nonchalant about the hormones.  I think she feared what they would do and knew they were just another nail in the coffin of our marriage, but she didn't pay much attention to it.  When I had very emotional bouts over the next few weeks she would sort of walk away from me, not offering comfort. 

*****

The first prescriptions I got were in my original legal name.  I suppose this made it much easier at the pharmacy because this was what was on my driver's license and insurance card.  So I picked up estrogen and spironolcatone prescriptions under the name Thomas Matthews. 

The next time I saw my doctor and got refills he asked me what name to use.  I must have said Tammy because that's what was on the prescriptions.  I never really explained that to the pharmacist or the customer service reps.  I looked more like Tammy by then (without the help of wig and makeup), a couple months after picking up my initial prescriptions, and the refills started coming back with the name Tammy Thomas Matthews on them.  I would ask for prescriptions for Tammy Matthews and the clerks addressed me as Tammy.

Over the seven months between the time I began hormones and went full time I probably went to the pharmacy in various stages of presentation, but never in a fully "male mode."  I do remember a few times I was due for electrolysis and had to go in with a couple of days of hair growth, during the stage when that was a problem. 

So there were some pretty awkward moments at the pharmacy along the way.  Actually I never experienced awkwardness from anyone else, just in the way that I felt.  When I went full time and began to present fully as myself every minute of every day, life became much less awkward.

There is an in between stage during transition, if we don't mask it.  I guess I felt it first at the pharmacy first because of my name incongruity as well as the fact that I was listed as male and picking up female hormones.   When I got my name legally changed and insurance cards changed I felt more at ease at the pharmacy, but no one there ever treated me in a way to make me feel uneasy. 

What got me thinking about this was being at the pharmacy this week and seeing one of the same clerks I've dealt with since I started.  She's always extremely nice but I feel that she's privy to a little secret the people in line behind me do not know.  She gives me a little smile.  I guess it's our little secret.

In the first paragraph here I alluded to the fact that perhaps I haven't handled my transition at the pharmacy as well as I should have.  What I am thinking is that perhaps I should change to a new pharmacy where they don't know my history and sort of start over.  I'm considering that but I believe I have gotten medication from all the drug stores here in the area at one time or another.  Because my social security number hasn't changed I think that would cause me to have to a name change at those other pharmacies.  So we are back to square one.

*****

We change a lot during transition.  We evolve in our presentation, name changes at some point, the medications cause noticeable changes.  Some have surgeries that cause an abrupt, sometimes dramatic change.  I have wondered if pharmacists look for any of that and put two and two together knowing the effects of the meds they fill and the situation that causes us to have the prescriptions.

I've heard some of my friends describe being asked by pharmacists why they are taking estrogen.  Some will go in presenting female one month and male the next month.  It can be an interesting dynamic.  I'd love for you to share your own experiences with going to the pharmacy during transition in the comments section below.  People starting out do benefit from hearing my experiences and your experiences.  Some of them can be a little disconcerting and some can be comical.

Once again, thanks for reading my blog and thanks for sharing.  Please don't forget to take your medications.

Being Bruce Isn't Easy

"Being Bruce isn't easy."

In Bruce Jenner's highly promoted interview with Dianne Sawyer, he revealed to the world what was hardly a secret anymore.  Amid the buzz of years of rumors reaching a crescendo with the recent 2 hour prime time special, Bruce has revealed the secret that has tormented him since childhood.  Indeed it has tormented her for so long, as Bruce revealed he is a woman.

Once known as "The World's Greatest Athlete" for his overpowering gold medal performance in the rigorous decathlon event of Montreal's 1976 Olympics, Bruce Jenner is in the spotlight once again and coming back with a message.  If the World's Greatest Athlete can be transgender, anyone can be transgender.  If Bruce Jenner can be the nation's hero in 1976, he can have the respect and acceptance of the world in 2015. 

"Being Bruce isn't easy,"  he says.  I can relate to those words all too well.  Bruce is saying it's been extremely difficult to be this person that he has had to be all these years.  Now he can't take it anymore and he has to be himself.  Bruce says that he has the soul of a woman.  That she is part of him and he just can't hold her back anymore.

I am one of the people that remembers Bruce in the Olympics, winning the nation's heart along with the gold.  But after that he became obscure to most of us until he reemerged in the reality television show "Keeping Up With the Kardashians," with his role as Kris Jenner's husband.  This is a role that I have observed him in over the last few years, as a fan of the show.

As Bruce revealed in the interview, he had the real story inside him all this time.  While the show launched the celebrity careers of Kim, her sisters and the rest of the Kardashians, Bruce slid into the mundane role of an everyday parent.  Driving the kids around, giving fatherly advice and often being made to look a little foolish or taken for granted, Bruce usually comes across as the straight guy in a show that mixes "real life" comedy and drama.

Indeed, Bruce has been playing a role all of his life.  "Being Bruce isn't easy."  Now that he has come out as transgender woman, at age 65, Bruce will finally get to be himself.  Yes, herself is the correct terminology, but in this interview Bruce preferred to use the name he was born with and the male pronouns that go with it.  Soon, she will reemerge for all the world to see.

This was Bruce's last hoorah, his big goodbye.  The first episode of this year's "Keeping Up With the Kardashians" also came across across as a goodbye to viewers.  That episode featured Bruce leaving the family home in Old Town Calabasas (west of Bevelry Hills), moving to an oceanfront cottage in Malibu and setting up life on his own.  Memories from 23 years with the Kardashians, scenes with the children (including his children from two previous marriages) and his evolving relationship with Kris were shown.  Bruce was moving on and tears were shed.

Now we are poised for a new reality show that will presumably deal with Bruce's transition from male to female.  He states that he doesn't feel he is trapped in a woman's body but does indeed have a woman's soul.  Trans people are not all the same but we do share the same core feelings and experiences, although we may express them differently in words or how we live our lives.  I believe all transgender people can relate to at least parts of his story.  Hopefully Jenner's celebrity status and new role in the spotlight will allow others to relate to it as well.

Many are criticizing Bruce for using his status to be so vocal about coming out.  He is privileged, he is wealthy and he is a celebrity so how can he possibly relate to the struggles so many trans people face?  He doesn't have to worry about finding a job, housing, the acceptance of his family or paying for a transition that can often be very expensive, they complain. 

Such is life.  Some people struggle with the basics while others do not.  Having the full acceptance of a large number of family members is unusual as well, both for transgender children and parents.  All of his 10 children accept his transition and embrace her, as Bruce describes "his female side."  His celebrity status will hopefully bring more awareness and acceptance to this often obscure and troubled community. 

This should bring more attention to all of our struggles as well.  For all the glory, fame and fortune that the world knows him for, it is certain that Bruce has led a life of inner pain.  I have to believe that by this major revelation, being able to live life as herself out in the open and this transition will allow Bruce to find happiness and peace. 

Indeed, one can see the peace now in Bruce's eyes.  Some of it I am sure is the hormones, as they bring a calm to the brain of a transgender person.  The interview highlighted the recently confirmed fact that gender is indeed located in the brain.  Having the wrong sex hormones coursing through the brain can cause conflict, confusion and utter torment.  Almost all of us have felt this pain and its obvious Bruce has as well.  "Being Bruce isn't easy."

During the Interview a child psychologist spoke to the fact that if treatment or intervention is not present in a trans person's life by the teen years to at latest the mid 20's there is usually a crisis developing that can become catastrophic.  Many will commit suicide, turn to drugs, heavy alcohol or other self destructive behavior.  At best, a life of miserable hiding (sometimes from oneself as well as others) enfolds whether one lives in isolation or buries themselves in the obligations of family, work etc.

The psychologist also spoke to the fact that some transgender people can turn that inner struggle to outer success by pushing themselves to greatness in some area.  This is something that has always fascinated me about many of my trans brothers and sisters and Bruce is a shining example of this phenomenon.  Not only did he embrace pursuits characteristic of the most macho male, (which is common as many trans women enter the military or male dominated careers) he excelled at the highest level in one of the most demanding sports known to man.

Not as well known as professional sports, Olympic sports often provide the highest test of the skilled athlete.  The decathlon consists of 10 track and field events and is a grueling competition of the most highly trained athletes.  It also involves multitasking.  Bruce crushed his competitors and took a victory lap after the last event while the other athletes writhed on the ground in pain.  On the podium, accepting his prestigious award, Bruce celebrated with an empty anguish behind his eyes.

The struggle, the torment, focused inner pain into outer victory.  "Being Bruce isn't easy."  Now a smile meekly comes across his face as Bruce somewhat timidly explains his journey to the national television audience.  In that smile comes a relief.  Not only to be rid of this secret and experience this incredible journey but to be put in the position to share it with the world. 

How will his journey unfold?  What will his name for her be?  There has already been hormone treatment and facial surgery, but what other steps will Bruce take in transition?  He mentions Khloe Kardashian (not his biological daughter) as the only one of his children to express any real misgivings about this change, but she is also the one that told him if he is going to live the life of a woman, to be a woman, he needs to "have a vajayjay" as she puts it. 

He speaks of wanting to quietly have SRS, or gender reassignment surgery.   Having this surgery will likely make his transition more socially acceptable and hopefully will bring him another level of inner peace that simply living as herself may not.  Indeed, for many of us this surgical step brings a tremendous sense of relief and a feeling of completion not possible without it.

Like so many other trans people, Bruce still struggles with sexuality and sexual preference even while finally admitting and embracing his gender identity.  He says that for now he is asexual and is only attracted to females.  No matter, he has to follow his heart on matters of the heart as well as all other aspects of this transition, as this is a very personal and individualized process.  The only difference is in this case it is going to be a very public transition, one that will come with own reality show.

We all hope it will be tastefully done.  I hope the world, especially those not informed or in touch with transgender issues, is watching.  Stay tuned!

Once again, I am pulling for Bruce Jenner.



*****
This is a link to The interview with Bruce Jenner
 
http://abcnews.go.com/2020/fullpage/bruce-jenner-the-interview-30471558