Saturday, February 7, 2015

Confidence

I was talking to a friend the other day and she mentioned that my voice seemed much better than it did the last time I spoke with her, which was before I left for Montreal.  Another friend told me recently that she was impressed by the voice message I'd left her and that she could tell I'd been working on my voice.  While I am getting ready to participate on some more voice therapy, I really haven't been working on anything specifically of late outside of normal day to day conversation.  The only thing that may have made a difference in confidence.

Confidence is something I've had since beginning this transition.  I would never had gotten through it without a high degree of confidence, but yet I have not always been as confident as I could be and maybe not as confident as I've seemed.  There is always room for improvement and lately I have noticed there's been change.  I am more confident than ever.

There are two messages here.  One is the surprising element that after GRS I am more confident in little ways that I never expected would be affected by achieving that goal and continuing to move along this road.  The other is a more basic, core message that cannot be emphasized enough.  Confidence, however we acquire it and wherever we manifest it, is one of the most important elements in life.  It is important in everything we do but it's simply vital to such a monumental undertaking as gender transition.

*****

Apparently my confidence is soaring higher these days, most of the time anyway.  There are still certain times when I allow the inner fear to creep in.  Are people looking me, I wonder?  Can they tell I'm different?  Do they know?
Sometimes I look in the mirror and see the timid face of a child staring back at me.

Those feelings are becoming fewer and far between.  I don't know if it's so much that I've had GRS or just that I am continuing along the road of increasing confidence, through transition, and am making the break to the other side.  That other side being the fabled nirvana of a normal life where one doesn't think about gender and fits into the world as any other "normal" person. 

I've had those feelings of normality, increasing over time, for the last few years.  When I began going out as myself and experienced feeling normal for the first time in my life it gave me the confidence I needed to begin my transition. 

So now that my transition is over, physically anyway, how does life change?  I don't think that transition will ever truly be over.  In fact, someone told me once that transition beings with GRS.  There's more than one way to look at it for sure, but having made no other major changes in my life since the surgery I can see some little differences already.  Differences that I didn't expect.

Maybe it's because when I look at myself (naked) in the mirror I see myself the way I should have  always been.  Maybe because I don't feel there is something fraudulent about me when I deal with other people.  My it's because I finally, truly feel like myself.  Somehow I am more confident after my surgery. 

These are just some of the ways (that most people may not realize) that gender dysphoria can affect you.  Don't underestimate the power of doing what it takes to become who you really are.

*****

Sometimes I see people wallowing in lack of confidence and the "woe is me" mentality.  Sometimes this is due to unfortunate circumstances in life that are beyond our control, but many times we are just simply not confident in ourselves and own abilities.

I've been there too so I know those feelings all too well.  When I finally decided to break out of my shell it was confidence that paved the way.  It took an act of confidence (and almost an act of God) to make that first crack in the shell.  When I stuck my head out to look around, I didn't see any monsters so I pulled together the confidence to break the shell away and walk out into the world.  As I took those first timid steps I began to believe that maybe I could walk this road.  As I walked further I lifted my head up and really started to believe I could make this work for me.  I was walking on the road of confidence.  It has taken me far and it can do the same for you.

*****




 

It's not just confidence that makes all the difference.  We also have to project a positive image and think positive thoughts.  This is so fundamental, but success in life is constructed on the building blocks of basic elements like confidence, positivity, kindness, gratitude, hope, etc..... 

If it's going in the wrong direction, you can turn your life around.  If things are going well, they can go even better if you harness the power to believe that they can.  If you are achieving your goals, you can lend a hand and help others achieve theirs.

People, you control your own mood, your own destiny.  If you say life sucks, it most definitely will. Say that life is amazing and watch things turn around for you.  Project happy and feel happy.  It's not always easy but if you have to, make yourself do it.  Feel it!

Confidence is the key to success.  Confidence is the most important element in transition.  Confidence is the pathway to happiness. 

Do you want to know how to achieve your goals?  Have confidence.
Do you want to know how to get confidence?  Believe that you can do it.


You have to believe in your dreams in order for them to have any chance of coming true...